Childlessness & infertility
Through my own journey I have developed an in-depth understanding of the experience of not having children not by choice.
Wherever you are, whether in the middle of grief or struggling to come to terms with the perspective of a life without children, I am here to support you, at your own pace.
I have been there, too
I am involuntarily childless myself. I know through my own first-hand experience and through my research that not having children is shrouded in silence and taboo. We might feel there are no places in society, even among family and friends, where we can express what it means and how it really feels to be childless without being met with judgment, lack of understanding, and unwanted advice.
Grief is a human reaction
If you have been planning for your entire life to have a child and this dream does not materialize, experiencing shock, grief and a deep sense of loss is an entirely natural, appropriate reaction. Although many do not understand how and why we can grieve somebody who perhaps was never born or lived only briefly, our feelings are valid. Our children have existed (and always will) in our hearts, our minds and our bodies.
When grief is “complicated”: Infertility as trauma
Grief is the way we, as humans, process a devastating loss. As such, it has no deadline: we all experience grief differently and take our own time to cope with it. Yet, if grief continues indefinitely, if we feel unable to draw a line under it, and letting go of the “dream” of having a child seems impossible, that might be because our longing has become entangled with additional burdens from our past.
Addressing the traumas of the past: unburdening our present
The uncertainty and powerlessness of going through assisted reproduction (IVF), waiting for adoption, or trying to conceive without success, in cyclical waves of hope and despair, often for many years, can be traumatizing experiences in themselves. The trauma of infertility is also often complicated by its “nesting” onto previous traumas we might already have (often without knowing it) from our childhood or even from previous generations. It is by addressing such traumas of the past that we can free ourselves from the burdens that weigh on us in our present. It then become easier to work through the trauma of infertility.